With so much advice out there right now about how to get laid, or how to get a girlfriend, or how to pick up a girl on Tinder, it can be overwhelming for a lot of men who don’t know where to start.
It’s best to start with the basics.
I’m not saying there isn’t good advice out there about how to get a stunning girlfriend, but a lot of guys fall into the trap of believing that they can follow a simple process and a hot girl will become their loyal girlfriend.
It’s so much easier said than done.
The problem is that a lot of people out there fall short when it comes to really understanding what does, and more importantly, what doesn’t, attract women.
Most guys are actually just making a few minor (yet crucial) mistakes during their interactions with women. If he can fix these mistakes, his dating life becomes significantly better.
He doesn’t have to follow a process, he just needs to correct himself.
This too, I’m afraid, is easier than done.
Mainly because a lot of guys don’t want to admit that they are doing something wrong. They follow the advice that their mothers and sisters have given them, not realizing that they may not know what they’re talking about.
Over the last two years I’ve spent as a dating coach, I have seen a lot, done a lot, and learned a lot about the things that make women swoon and the things that make women scurry away.
I have come up with a short list of the top four things men do (or think) when they are interacting with women. After going over each mistake, I give you some advice as to what you can do instead.
Please, take these to heart. I’m sure as you read you’ll think back to a time where you made one of these mistakes, just don’t kick yourself too hard.
You’re learning right now, and that’s the important part.
Mistake #1 Seeking Approval or Validation From a Girl
Honestly, I blame the media for this one. Men have been told since a young age that women are the prize, and it’s our societal duty to put in the work and win her over.
A lot of guys struggle with this, and when they talk to a girl they just met, they begin to think, “how can I make this girl like me?”
My friend, if you try and think of clever ways to make a girl like you, she is never going to like you.
If you think this way, you immediately give the girl more power in the interaction. You start to see her as someone above you.
When you think of her as someone above you, you start acting like she is above you. And when you start acting like she is above you, she’ll start acting like she is above you, too.
It’s human nature.
Us guys do it too.
This doesn’t mean she’ll be mean, but she’ll understand that she has the upper hand.
Essentially, she has already “won”.
Girls love to chase more than guys do. If you don’t give her the opportunity to chase you, she’ll never be attracted to you.
Here’s how to fix this mistake…
Stop thinking, “how can I make her like me?” and start thinking, “What does she have that earns my attraction?” “What does she have that will make me like her?”
And no, a nice pair of tits doesn’t count.
Just switching up this one thought alone can have a significant impact on you interactions with women.
Once you start getting into the habit of thinking this way, you’ll begin to notice how the dynamic of the conversation changes.
Women will begin to put more effort into the conversation, trying to prove themselves to you.
Just remember, start thinking, “what does she have that will make me like her?” And you’ll be all set.
Now, onto the second mistake…
Mistake #2 Most Men Don’t Lead
This is probably the biggest mistake out of the five. Most men don’t lead.
What’s worse, most men don’t know how to lead.
I’m sure some of you reading this have heard the advice, “just ask your date what she wants to do.”
I call bullshit.
Girls LOVE it when they can be swept away by a guy.
They HATE it when a guy doesn’t have the confidence or the competence to lead.
Your hear the advice, “just ask her what she wants to do,” but when you ask her, what does she say?
“I don’t care.”
This bothers the fuck outta me.
This is also why you should never take dating advice from a girl, as girls don’t think logically about dating, so they can’t give a logical response.
Women are emotional creatures.
They respond emotionally, so they can’t really say “here’s what I’d do…” or “here’s what I’d think of that…”
Because they don’t ACTUALLY THINK when in that moment, their response is pure emotion.
Most men don’t realize this, so they will look to the girl for advice, or certainty, or to put it better, they look to her for leadership.
As I’ve mentioned, this is a complete turn off.
Here’s how to fix it…
Let’s say you’re chatting up a cute girl at the bar. It’s a little loud, so you want to head out to the patio when where it’s more quiet.
You could say, “Hey, you wanna go to the patio?”
Or you could take the lead, and say, “Hey, let’s go to the patio.” You take her hand and LEAD her to the patio.”
Notice the difference?
here’s the thing you need to notice about leaders…
They don’t ask anyone to follow them.
They just go, and their confidence in where they’re going draws people to them. So if you want to be a good leader, stop asking for permission.
Mistake #3 Guys Try and Chase a Girl
This one is really for the guys who want a great, hot, loving girlfriend.
Think of it as an extension of, “How can I make her like me?”
A lot of guys try and pursue a woman, and “get” her to feel what they feel for her.
Gentlemen, this never works out. Honestly you have a better chance at winning the lottery.
The absolute worst thing you can do is do things like; send her long texts, especially if she’s not responding, or buy her nice gifts, and for the love of fucking God, don’t tell her how you feel.
If you want a girl to see you as a guy she wants to date, she has to be chasing you.
It’s as simple as that.
Here’s why. People value what they have to work for more than what they are given. If you are pursuing her, she didn’t have to put in any work.
You just gave her all your attention and attraction, it is IMPOSSIBLE for her to value your attention and your feelings if she didn’t have to EARN those feelings.
Beginning to make sense?
Here’s how to fix it…
In order for a girl to chase you, she has to wonder about you.
How can you make her wonder about you?
By being unpredictable.
Sometimes, it’s good to show interest (I’ll get into good ways to show interest in the next blog post). Other times, it’s good to show you’re not that interested. In fact, you might have other options, other girls to talk to and distract you from the girl you want.
Focus on being unpredictable.
Be mindful, if you are beginning to show too much interest, let yourself be distracted by other things. But don’t 100% show disinterest, as then she’ll give up and move on.
Let’s move on.
Mistake #4 Not Recognizing What You’re Doing Isn’t Working
This is the one no guy wants to hear, but it’s crucial to your success.
Most guys, “just want to be themselves,” and while being genuine is a great thing to be, most guys do it wrong.
Yes, they think they’re being themselves when they really aren’t.
I’ll touch on that more in the future, but I do want you to understand that there is nothing fake about having a deeper understanding of how women think, and what they respond to.
Having a deeper understanding is mutually beneficial.
It benefits you because you get to date and sleep with virtually any girl you want, and it benefits women too because they get to feel attracted to and turned on by such a strong, confident man who has a better understanding of her than any other guy she has met in her life.
There really is no need for a technique on how to fix this one. The fact that you’re reading this right now means you are already taking a colossal step forward.
So there you have it, the top four mistakes men make that kill their chances with women. Understand these mistakes, and do your best to avoid them.
No longer making any of these mistakes will already have a strong impact on your interactions with women.
I wish you the best of luck.